by Maggie
Trust is vital to any roleplaying experience. You might not need much of it, if the situation is light, and you might need a lot more, if the topic is heavy and dark. If I'm meeting an NPC, and they're leading my group on a module, I don't need much trust at all. I just need to know that yes, they're NPCing, and have the basic faith that whatever they're running has been okayed by staff. This is a trust pretty inherent when an NPC comes up to talk to you about going to do something.
Trust is vital to any roleplaying experience. You might not need much of it, if the situation is light, and you might need a lot more, if the topic is heavy and dark. If I'm meeting an NPC, and they're leading my group on a module, I don't need much trust at all. I just need to know that yes, they're NPCing, and have the basic faith that whatever they're running has been okayed by staff. This is a trust pretty inherent when an NPC comes up to talk to you about going to do something.
However, if a situation is somewhat intimate, highly emotional, or involves some sort of risky physical challenge, it's important to have a lot more trust in that person. Sometimes, you can take a leap of faith and discover you really like roleplaying/gaming with that person, and sometimes your trust is mislaid, and it turns out to be something you didn't want to get involved with.
My primary example happened many years ago in a game I was PCing.*
An NPC used his political power to force another player to pressure me into spending time with him. The character the NPC was playing was a Bad Man, creepy, untoward, and horrid. The NPC playing him is a twisted person whom I had known for twelve years at that point. I greatly enjoyed the roleplaying, though my character most definitely did not. I trusted the NPC because I knew them, and they took steps to be certain it wasn't too creepy. They never tried to catch me totally alone, they were transparent with the staff about the creep factor and about communicating with me to be sure I was okay.
An NPC used his political power to force another player to pressure me into spending time with him. The character the NPC was playing was a Bad Man, creepy, untoward, and horrid. The NPC playing him is a twisted person whom I had known for twelve years at that point. I greatly enjoyed the roleplaying, though my character most definitely did not. I trusted the NPC because I knew them, and they took steps to be certain it wasn't too creepy. They never tried to catch me totally alone, they were transparent with the staff about the creep factor and about communicating with me to be sure I was okay.
This whole situation spawned some amazing roleplaying. The character who had been pressured to push mine into that dynamic felt guilty, and our characters argued and had some awesome scenes. Other people debated if it was even worth it to attempt an allegiance with the NPC.
A few months later, another PC in the game decided to emulate the NPC's behavior, out of a sort of devotion for that character. This included stalking my character, touching my hair, and at one point, sitting on a bed across from mine until I woke up to find them looking at me.
I approached the PC out of game, and told them I wasn't okay with the roleplay, and they said, puzzled, "But I thought you liked that sort of thing. You roleplayed it with (NPC) without a problem. You even said how great it was after game end."
Trust is not transferable. It is not universal. It is not granted automatically to everyone at a LARP to act in the same ways, just like it isn't in real life. There are people we wouldn't mind changing in the same room with, and there are strangers we've just met whom we would mind very much.
Similarly, there are reasons that I found the roleplaying to be fun and awesome with the NPC and not with another PC. I didn't know the PC at all, but I had known the NPC for twelve years. The NPC had staff oversight and reported to a higher authority, whereas the PC could and did email me privately between sessions with stalkeresque letters. Not every situation is what it appears on the surface, and his assertion that the situations were the same was a seriously false equivalency.
A few years later, I argued stridently against something in a module. "Why can't I write a module where that PC has to wrestle my NPC to the ground? I trust them!" Sometimes, that might work. Other times, it's a very touch and go thing, because some PCs won't be comfortable being part of that module (I don't want to see physical abuse,) or might think it's gotten out of hand and gone out of game (Should I call the cops?). It's a question of judging what's okay to take on in a public setting. It might also lead the other (N)PCs to believe that both people involved in the brawl are okay with brawls with anyone in the game, at any time.
In retrospect, I might've been wrong; it might have turned out fine to have a brawl in a module if the correct group went, no one assumed any liberties from it, and enjoyed it. I just didn't feel like we could guarantee that, as staff, and so I had to argue against it.
If I had to boil it down to a few specific bullet points:
- Never assume that someone's limits and boundaries with one person extend the same limits and boundaries to another.
- Communicate openly and freely with people when you're entering a hazy space of "hey, is this scene/roleplay/situation okay?"
- Always express what you do and don't enjoy in a constructive manner, and don't hesitate to say something if it's gotten out of bounds.
*I'm aware that from my descriptions, there are some who will recognize the circumstances. I've kept it intentionally vague not to passively snipe anyone, but because I feel it was an honest misunderstanding, and it's been years since, anyway.
I agree with your points.
ReplyDeleteIt's also true that perception of trust is not transferable too. I had an NPC character that my PC character was meeting for the first time come at me with fire in his eyes and his first words were derogatory and he physically shoved me backward. He did this in front of a whole lot of players.
I had known the NPC for 15+ years and had PCd with him way back in the days of NERO where we were on the same team. I didn't give his words and actions a second thought as to how appropriate they were. Physical contact rules didn't apply to us. However, there were a whole bunch of players who had no idea of our OOG relationship that were ready to jump all over him thinking he had stepped way out of bounds. Oops.
I agree with the larger points and sentiments in the article. I've generally never had problems in this area in large part due to never being particularly interested in most roleplay that involves behavior or activity that would require much in the way of permission or consent. Most of the time I'm happy with standard above board roleplay, combat, puzzles, and things of the like.
ReplyDeleteI do however from time to time find myself being a little put off when I find myself in a game where there are rules in place to govern interaction designed to make sure no one is ever uncomfortable (no touching, use a packet for healing arts, don't physically carry people), and yet those rules are routinely ignored between people due to out of game trust relationships. It isn't a huge thing, but sometime it makes me feel a little like I am being cheated.
I commonly PC and NPC at games far away from where I live. I am casually known among most of the participants of these games but there is precious few people who know we well and almost no one who I have such a close trust relationship that would be required for me to take any sort of physical liberties.
When I see players and staff at games engaging in roleplay that technically violates game rules (hugging, sitting and laying in laps, punching and shoving people, picking people up and carrying them to safety) I know most of the time the participants are comfortable with this. I know they are well enough acquainted that neither is taking advantage of the other, and that both participants are enjoying the game. I don't feel any jealousy, or wish that I could do the same things with those specific people. But since there is no one at the game who trusts me well enough to do this, and since technically the game rules forbid it, I feel a little annoyed that other players have more opportunity for roleplay, drama, and expression (ie fun) than I do.
The tricky part is that I don't want to make other people stop doing this stuff. They are having fun with it, and it doesn't inconvenience me. I also certainly don't wish engage in this sort of behavior with people who don't know me. I also don't want the various rules designed to protect players from unwanted contact to go away. I just find it a bit frustrating some times that there are particular aspects of these games that other people indulge in that are fun, dramatic, deeply emotional and enjoyable, and that I am denied access for nothing that has to do with anything in the game.
While most of this has to do with physical actions, some of the same ideas carry over in the realm of staff providing PC's with intensely personal roleplay that skirts the boundaries of consent and permission. No one on staff knows me well enough to feel comfortable providing me that sort of roleplay even if I wanted it.
The tl:dr version of all this goes something like that. People should certainly be mindful of trust relationships in games and take steps to make sure they don't assume trust and take liberties when trust and consent hasn't been granted. But at games where different and deeper interactions between PC's and between staff and PC's occur where that trust does exist, it feels a little annoying sometimes to see that other players are granted more access and opportunities for in game fun that you are for completely out of game reasons, and due to criteria (trust built up through close interaction over years) you can't achieve.
Rick, I concur with you about the whole 'other PCs saw it' point. That was part of my concern when I talked years ago about a module where someone had to wrestle someone else to the ground. My concern was partly that PCs would think that was an acceptable way to deal with an NPC encounter, but more that they'd be like, HEY! Stop wrestling, this isn't cool, stop attacking my friend OOC!
ReplyDeleteAs for the second comment about criteria you can't achieve... I disagree. Trust can always be built. While it's true that for example, I have established trust with Rick, and he could toss me over his shoulder and I'd be fine with that, that doesn't preclude forming other bonds of trust. It does preclude presuming the same level of trust without building to it.
You and I played Madrigal together for a while, and I would say that we developed a decently strong bond of trust. More than once, you moved my unconscious body, let me lean on you, and at one point you were unconscious in my arms. You even physically restrained me when I would've come to blows with someone else (boffer blows, but) in that classic "drag out of a fight" way. But we did so gradually, and in my opinion, correctly. We became friends, established boundaries, and then as we got to know each other were more comfortable.
I agree that players can develop trust with other players and staff over time, and that I have done it to an extent. But it still represents a barrier, and one that is easier for certain people to overcome and which doesn't exist at all for others.
DeleteIn a perfect world we would like to believe that our games are equal opportunity. We want to feel like everything in the game is accessible to all players. Different players may be better at some things than others but we all at least start in the game with the same opportunities.
If you consider the deeply emotional, physical, visceral, edgy gameplay that is only possible between gamers who have developed a high level of trust to be the premium content of the game (many people do), then this is one way that ideal is not being met. Certain players will be much more privileged in this regard than others. They either come into the game with trust already built up over years and sometime decades of playing with the staff and core playerbase, or they have easy social access to that playerbase out of game to develop that trust.
Really enjoyed this piece! Definitely something I struggled with (and still do) as a newbie.
ReplyDeletePleeeeenty of times in free form RP communities people would plan out "dramatic scenes" where they were friends oog, comfortable doing/receiving "terrible" things from one another as a result, and expected that people privy to the scene would find it "cool". They expected it to make the world seem more alive and the roleplay more deep. Instead it would devolve quickly into tons of players jumping in and exaggerating the conflict, out of game cat fights, etc. Once the dust settled, the original friends couldn't figure out why it had all gone horribly wrong. Gradually over time a concept of "don't underestimate your helpers" began to be passed around the community to avoid misunderstandings - the idea that it is perhaps naive to think that an observing character and/or player will idly stand by while someone they have a vested interest in (friends, allies, contacts, person who owes them 20 gold, whatever) gets threatened or otherwise put in a tough spot. Their natural reaction is going to be to intervene/interfere, and not always in strictly an IC way nor a way that is structured.
Physical contact is something I also struggled with a lot in the early days. PCs (particularly on the same team) would hug, and I was like "ok, well they must have played together for a long time." But then people would hug NPCs too and I'm like uh oh, how does THAT work? So I resolved to try and always defer to waiting for the other person to initiate that kind of contact with me and decide if I'd reciprocate. Eventually I got to a point with some PCs and NPCs that I felt it was a natural response to hug, but I initiate it with holding my arms out/open deliberately wide and allowing them to close the distance to me (as opposed to wrapping arms around someone and waiting for them to wrap back). If they didn't reciprocate and move towards me, hug cancelled, no hard feelings. The choice to hug me had to be theirs. Like a hand shake, you can't just reach out and scoop up somebody's hand and start shaking it. You hold the hand out and wait for them to take hold of yours. No matter what, no matter how cautious, no matter how clear the body language, it is ultimately "let the hugger beware", so to speak, because as the hugger I have no recourse. The rules for the games I've played in are quite black and white: no physical contact & packet-based touch spells/healing. If someone were to be offended by a hug, no matter how consenting it may all seem, the expressly stated rule supersedes that, and I anticipate it to be well within the right of the game owners to eject me from a game if they were receiving reports of my "trust based" violation of that rule causing the other player distress.
Good post. Most of what I'd say has been covered by either the post itself or one of the comments.
ReplyDelete