Friday, July 12, 2013

Tempering Toxicity

Toxicity, which I define as a special brand of negativity, can be a large problem in LARPs. I'm curious as to how readers understand gamecentric toxicity, and how they counter it. So, I'm going to give you my operative definition of "toxicity," and then ask a few questions that I feel are productive for bettering game environment.

"Toxicity" is, technically speaking, the extent to which a substance can cause damage to an organism-- in other words, the extent to which something is poisonous. In larp terms, I understand this as negativity, coming from individuals and groups, which spreads throughout the player base, and proceeds to damage a game. While every single player experiences negativity-- and can be negativity-- toxicity, to me, is that negativity channeled in a way that is detrimental to the larger community. Toxicity can hurt a game's reputation, damage staff relationships with players, damage players' relationships with one another, and drive talented people-- staff or pc-- away from the game. It has many causes, and can originate in things like valid complaints, justified interpersonal problems, and/or plain, old dysfunction. Some questions (answer some, all, or make up your own)...

1) What sorts of things cause toxicity? What are some of the most frequent causes of toxicity?
2) When does negativity (dissatisfaction with a game, either momentary or continuous) transition into toxicity?
3) How can toxicity be avoided (understanding that everyone is going to have bad events, from time to time)? How, once it starts can it be fixed?
4) Have you had any experiences with a toxic game environment? (No need to name names, if uncomfortable with doing so-- if you think it's productive, feel free. But, again, constructive work and productivity are the goals of this blog.)
5) Negativity can often be productive for games (it generates, for instance, constructive criticism). How do you channel negativity into something constructive?

11 comments:

  1. In my own experience, I think some kinds of toxicity comes from two things, both of which are related. One is an unwillingness, or an inability real or perceived, for people to address things in their PELs. And the other comes from a lack of understanding on how to structure PEL feedback to be useful and constructive rather than simply unhelpfully negative.

    People may be reluctant or unwilling to address things in their PELs in simple, straightforward terms. They either presume that the staff will be defensive and won't do anything to address the situation, so they don't bother, or they don't want to "make waves" so they don't bother (or some other reason). Or they may have thought they communicated something effectively, but actually didn't, so they feel ignored, when actually the problem is lack of effective communication.

    At the same time, they will air their grievances in other forums: online, or to their friends in conversation, etc. And the longer they go without addressing these grievances, the more annoyed they get about it, so they don't get resolved, and nobody is happy. They're not happy, and the people who listen to them air the same grievances over and over again are probably not happy either.

    And then, in our community, this is always going to get back to somebody on the staff. They're going to hear about it at a party, or they're going to read Facebook or whatever, or some helpful person is going to actually just tell them "hey so and so is having this problem they don't want to tell you about." But they won't be official, PEL-ed complaints, so it's going to have the appearance of backbiting, or even duplicity. The staff is going to feel like, hey, if you're having this problem, why didn't you say anything?

    Moreover, from the staff perspective, their hands are tied: they can't solve a problem they don't know about. And it's weird and awkward to be trying to solve a problem for someone that you heard about through someone else and only have the vaguest idea about-- not to mention the loss of accuracy that occurs when one person interprets someone else's words.

    And then the staff are unhappy, too. So nobody's happy. That can definitely create a toxic environment.

    I think it's important for people to recognize that whatever their issue is: no one is running a game with the goal that their players have a bad time. No one is like, yeah, I spent 40 hours of my evenings and weekends working on this game because I want people to hate it out of game and not have fun" Unless they mean it in the sense of "the characters hate that and that's great story/character development." All the talk about "PCs tears are delicious" is really referring to IG angst and story-related woe.

    Further, not everything that someone perceives as happening in a game, or even everything that actually happens, is actually the intended outcome or event. A lot of stuff goes sideways at events-- mistakes happen, lack of communication happens, factors collide into each other to create a less than optimal situation. Sometimes, there are misunderstandings. No one has perfect knowledge or communication on any side. Not even the game staff, who are theoretically in control of events. (Ha!)
    Communication is key. Provide your feedback. Say it nicely. Say it constructively. But say it, and be willing to own that. Players deserve the chance for their views to be heard. The staff deserves a reasonable response, with explanation and feedback, so they can fix whatever it is. Larps are about community and trust, and we all have to be willing to honestly communicate with each other. If someone really feels they cannot say something to the staff, then that is really a greater issue, and maybe one that can only be fixed by that person accepting that this is not the game for them. But usually, whatever the situation is, it can be resolved somehow, or at least it can be improved.

    ReplyDelete
  2. [quote] All the talk about "PCs tears are delicious" is really referring to IG angst and story-related woe. [/quote]

    As the exceptionally bad human being that coined the phrase, I can confirm that this is the truth of the matter.

    I do not want *players* to cry, I want their *Characters*/PCs to cry - to be so emotionally invested in the game world, specific situation, and so engrossed in their PC's point of view, that a visceral reaction is natural and cathartic.

    Players, on the other hand, I want to Have Fun. Whatever color or shape that fun may take. :)

    (And if they don't? PEL it!)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Opinions below:
    1. In giant generalizations that apply to life too; Jealousy, feeling like you are being ignored(emotions), blaming (it's not me, it's you)

    2. It is when one persons mood infects more than themselves I think. Or when they are repeatedly AND viciously vocal about it.

    3. Toxicity of others: Listening helps, trying to sympathize/ help if possible; and eventually you can only do so much without getting the negatives yourself, walk away.
    Stopping yourself; Taking a break, go out to dinner, skip one event whatever it takes to jolt your brain out of the grouch zone.

    4. I've been on teams or hung out with people who were very negative and tended to always blame others for why everything totally sucked for them and I was negative because clearly my friends are right... Then I switched characters and decided to start clean and just picked a new group fluidly through the new character... it was like a whole new world of awesome. Not because the character was this super being of funtacity... but because the people I started hanging out with were proactive and cheerful.

    5. Currently when I've had a bad time at an event I like to take a while before sending in a PEL. It gives me time to get less angry/annoyed/sadfaced and look more objectively. So that at least when I say something like: "You only hooked to one person" I can phrase it a little better like "I was in X area most of the weekend, and I only saw the same person tapped for plot; is there a specific place where plot is more likely to be?"

    But mostly I think it is to try to be objective and understanding while still expressing your perspective.

    ReplyDelete
  4. In re: negativity being constructive, I think the issue is that players have to know how to PEL effectively. In the past I always thought of PELs as a "place to say whatever I thought, without any kind of editing." But that had the unintended side effect of not actually being constructive or helpful, even though I didn't realize it at the time. After running a game, though, I have a much better understanding of what kind of phrasing is useful or helpful.

    I think the best PELs are one which are not written right after game, or which have at least had some editing. If you're going to make a criticism of the game, it should be given the same care with which you write professionally or academically. If you ever read the comments on any article on the internet ever, you will immediately see the difference between thoughtful criticism and unhelpful criticism.

    As you might see from comments sections worldwide, emotional, angry feedback is usually not helpful. Feedback which makes accusations, or assumptions about how it will be received and then tries to respond to those pre-emptively is not usually helpful. Saying mean things is usually not helpful. It usually helps if you can get the better of whatever emotions you are feeling to where you can just write an account of what happened.

    I personally think if you're having difficulty writing something you can fall back on "I statements, " however cheesy those sound. At least to get a framework that is straightforward. "I felt unhappy with the way this encounter happened, because I felt the combination of stating, unclear instructions to the PCs, and aggressive NPCs made it both difficult and stressful. The high statting made the fight difficult, and since we didn't know what we were supposed to be doing, it made it very stressful as we tried to both figure out what to do while keeping people up."

    I think the goal should be to just give a factual account of what happened, and to keep things in simple, declarative statements. I don't think you really should need to describe your state of mind, because that's going to come across. But the best way to ensure that you don't hurt anyone's feelings, if that's what you're trying to avoid, is to keep the personal out of it. Don't make it about the people, make it about the thing that happened.

    Assume that what happened was not actually anyone's fault, and you're just providing feedback on how to fix a mechanical problem. Don't criticize the people, but the thing which happened. Explain what you thought the problem was, and why you thought it.

    Instead of saying, "your statting was terrible" you could say "The statting did not seem to be properly balanced for the number of NPCs." Or "The statting did not seem appropriate for the encounter because all of the By My Voice Roots kept us from making an effective escape and caused a jam-up in the doorway as we were trying to leave, and I was worried about people getting hurt."

    Or you could say, "I did not enjoy this encounter because I do not really enjoy modules where I need to climb on ropes," or, "this encounter would have been more fun for me if there had been more puzzles and less fighting on jumpy stones, because I don't like jumpy stones." Or "I thought this module was too complex, and we spent too long figuring out what we were supposed to do and that was frustrating."

    Everyone is different, of course, but I find that this statement is more a statement of fact than complaint. "I do not enjoy jumpy stones", is kind of hard to argue with or get too offended by. It's not the same as saying "I can't believe you made this module have jumpy stones, that was a terrible idea and it wasn't fun." If you don't enjoy jumpy stones, then you don't enjoy them, and people writing plot for you should know that!

    ReplyDelete
  5. 1) What sorts of things cause toxicity? What are some of the most frequent causes of toxicity?
    - Negative experiences reinforced by others complaining and a loss of trust in the staff. Another common factor is that some people enjoy complaining and that feeds a negative spiral.

    2) When does negativity (dissatisfaction with a game, either momentary or continuous) transition into toxicity?
    - This is a tough question, but I think the line ultimately comes down to whether or not you're making the game substantially worse for those around you. A cabin full of people complaining doesn't rise, necessarily, to toxicity if the alternative is them fuming anyway. It's when they make the game worse for the people around them, sucking out the magic as it were, that it becomes toxic. This, btw, is distinct from making staff lose their creative energy. Sometimes a staff member being deflated by a player is because the player is toxic, but sometimes it's because the staff member is not able to handle necessary criticism.

    3) How can toxicity be avoided (understanding that everyone is going to have bad events, from time to time)? How, once it starts can it be fixed?
    - I think several things help. The toxic person needs to be aware of what effect they're having. Sometimes this means their friends have to tell them. People around a toxic person need to explain that they'd prefer not to deal with X degree of negativity at the moment because they're having fun. Staff needs to take the time to understand the underlying problem the toxic person has and either decide to help it, accept the toxicity, or kick the person out. Most of the time though it comes from introspection and a desire to either change something to lessen the negativity or at least not express it constantly.

    4) Have you had any experiences with a toxic game environment? (No need to name names, if uncomfortable with doing so-- if you think it's productive, feel free. But, again, constructive work and productivity are the goals of this blog.)
    - Oh sure, lots. Periods of Ravenholt's history were churning soups of toxic chemicals thinly papered over with a veneer of burnout, ash, and cliqueism. Thankfully that's no longer the case as years passed, staff and player turnover occurred, and people committed to a fun positive experience. Parts of Madrigal can be toxic at times, though not as a whole (toxic being specifically distinct from whether people are having a good or bad time there). Generally if you're having fun at Madrigal people won't rain on your parade all that much. But it happens.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. (reply too long so split between two comments)
      5) Negativity can often be productive for games (it generates, for instance, constructive criticism). How do you channel negativity into something constructive?
      - If I think it will accomplish anything I'll PEL about it. Otherwise I won't bother. Sometimes I'll talk to staff members individually or just make personal character decisions to put myself in better situations that are more fun or avoid things that are bothering me.

      More generally I think the way you channel negativity in a good way is to first fight down the reflex to be defensive about. Negativity exists for a reason and that reason needs to be examined. Reasons come in two forms, worthwhile to address and not worthwhile. Use negativity to identify them and then deal with the former and let go of the latter. Ex. If someone complained to me that they hate Mirror Mirror because of the lack of bluetooth connected cyborgs I would not consider that a reason that needs any action on my part. I might address it indirectly by suggesting they play a cool future LARP, but having identified the source of their negativity as "Does not actually want to play MM despite protestations to the contrary" I'm no longer stressed out by it. But if they said they weren't having fun because of the statting then I'd look into PC skills vs our statting trends and see if there was something that needed adjusting.

      Negativity can also be a spur towards relationship building through commiseration and empathy. It's a way to build bonds by working through problems together. It can also build trust that way. Mainly it's the staff that handles these things, but fellow players can do certain things too. By inviting each other on cool encounters if they know someone is bored a lot, by deflecting someone they know you don't like, by keeping a conversation positive, by adjusting a personal mannerism that is bothering someone. In other words; by being kind.

      Lastly, one thing that I harp on a lot these days is that in a lot of North East LARPing I think staff are fostering an increasing vibe that it's not ok to express criticism and negativity in PELs. This is decreasing how much criticism is going through, increasing the ostracism of those who do complain, and ultimately preventing staff members (and by extension the games they run) from addressing problem. And if that formal channel of communication is slowly closing off for legitimate problems then players will either talk to staff privately, talk directly to game owners, or more commonly, bitch about it to other players.

      Delete
  6. I'm curious about the perception that it's not ok to express criticism and negativity in PELs. The two have certainly been defined as two different things with negativity being able to lead to (constructive) criticism.

    I've seen a push to suppress the negativity in PELs but not the criticism, and even then only suppressing negativity when that's the entirety of the PEL. There are some players who do almost nothing but complain with no offers of realistic ideas for fixing what's causing the negativity.

    I don't know about anyone else, but that's toxic to me as a staff member. If I read a player's problems and they offer suggestions I'm cool with that. If they tell me the thing they like and express the things they didn't then I'm still cool with that. If all they do is complain in a negative fashion and that's a trend and Ive tried to fix things, then I tend to pay their complaints less attention because maybe, just maybe, the problem isn't staff.

    So to me, what I've been hearing is give the proper blend of positive feedback and criticism and avoid total negativity.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "I don't know about anyone else, but that's toxic to me as a staff member. If I read a player's problems and they offer suggestions I'm cool with that. If they tell me the thing they like and express the things they didn't then I'm still cool with that. If all they do is complain in a negative fashion and that's a trend and Ive tried to fix things, then I tend to pay their complaints less attention because maybe, just maybe, the problem isn't staff. "

      If you look at the progression in this paragraph there's a skipped step. It goes from them saying what they like and don't like straight to endless complaining with futile efforts. There's a stage in the middle where the player says what they don't like and all too often staff members jump to the part where they don't try to fix things and just blame the player. We need to get past the idea that staff members are martyrs. They're not. They're adults engaged in a creative past time that they derive some sense of satisfaction out of. If they don't actually want to staff... they shouldn't. And part of staffing is listening to feedback, accepting that not everyone will like what you run, and then seeing if maybe there's a real problem that needs addressing when a player complains.

      Because players *are* telling me that they don't bother putting bad stuff in PELs because they a) don't want to hurt the staff feelings, and/or b) they don't think it'll do any good so why bother? Both of those sentiments are fed into by the staff members, and players, who treat those willing to express a less than positive opinion about this or that game as pariahs.

      Obviously there are lines here. Calling people names in your PEL, accusing them of things, and so on is shitty behavior. But the larping community in the North East is heading in a direction where fewer players will express their issues openly and honestly because the culture is punishing them for doing so in various ways. Because of staff members who aren't able to work through hearing a bad review to focus on what needs to change, players who ostracize those struggling to have fun in a game, and (not really mentioned so far) staff members who just ignore anything negative ina PEL period or just ignore PELs totally.

      Now, what's my answer to the underlying question of how to write a PEL? Yeah, a good blend of positive feedback and criticism. But if you really didn't have a good time you should feel free to express that without worrying that staff are just going to roll their eyes at you about it, or worse yet, tell your fellow players about how shitty you are for not having fun. All of which are happening right now in our region.

      Delete
    2. Now, PELs aside, I find that positivity breeds positivity in a game. People are attracted to those who are laughing, smiling, and enjoying themselves. Enthusiastic and upbeat people lift up the people around them so the best cure to toxicity around you is to do your best to focus on the things you like as a player and channel your energies in that direction. Why do people like to play LARPs with Jim Timlin? Because when he gets into a game he makes it more awesome for those around him by dint of his enthusiasm and joy. He gets into it, talking about how cool something is/was, how cool X thing is going to be coming up, how cool you/they were in that thing you did, etc. Half a dozen people doing that does wonders for toxicity.

      Delete
    3. "There's a stage in the middle where the player says what they don't like and all too often staff members jump to the part where they don't try to fix things and just blame the player."

      I have to agree with this. In my experience (which is not vast - about 4+ years) it seems that the place in the PEL response spectrum where issues that are brought up in a kind way, are honestly investigated and dealt with by staff in a way that lets the player know that they are heard is very narrow.

      As an example, this is something that I'm currently dealing with in Madrigal, and it's really disheartening. Several times when I have submitted PELs that bring up problems that I have witnessed in game in a kind manner I've been met with silence (with no follow up) or dismissive / defensive responses, or responses that just flat out deny the issue that I've brought forth.

      I don't know that I'm being treated in a "This guy is just a whiner" way, but I certainly don't feel like I'm being listened to or taken seriously. When I am being met with such responses when I bring up problems in a respectful manner, it really reinforces a "We don't want to hear about negative things" mentality. At the very least I do not feel encouraged to bring forward criticism of any kind.

      This is a major problem for dealing with negative experiences in a game. If you feel as a player that you can't discuss problems with staff (or that you might as well not bother) there is no way to deal with that negativity, which then turns into toxicity.

      Delete
  7. 1) What sorts of things cause toxicity? What are some of the most frequent causes of toxicity?

    Most of my answers have the caveat that the could be real, or perceived to be true. Perspective and communication being what they are.

    Cheating - 'nuff said.

    Favoritism / Ignoring - This is best shown by the "grass is greener" effect of the 2 major religions in Madrigal, where there are lengths of time where it is perceived that there is no plot for one group, but entire events worth focusing on the other group.

    Broken "promises" - lack of info skill response, plot line or module being delayed off the schedule, etc.


    2) When does negativity (dissatisfaction with a game, either momentary or continuous) transition into toxicity?

    Personally, it's all about repetition of a bad experience. I can deal with one bad module, event, etc. But if the same thing repeats over and over, then that frustration can lead to a toxic reaction. This could be as general as a type of encounter, or as specific as a single person.

    For example: PC1 believes he was cheated by NPC1. PC1 vents to PC2-4. Those PCs start watching NPC1 more closely, and may start rationalizing into agreement with PC1. This causes a lack of trust, possibly a lot of cheating on both sides, unsafe situations, or just social distance / pariah situation.


    3) How can toxicity be avoided (understanding that everyone is going to have bad events, from time to time)? How, once it starts can it be fixed?

    When I see it happening to friends, I play a mix of sounding board and devils advocate.

    I listen to their rant, and resist the urge to commiserate and "be infected." I try to point out things they should've done differently, or ask if X or Y were true in the situation (which would make the difference in their perceived issue). Then comes the research stage, asking others that were there, or asking the staffer who hooked us (which also has the benefit of starting an investigation on their end, and engenders communication between parties).


    4) Have you had any experiences with a toxic game environment? (No need to name names, if uncomfortable with doing so-- if you think it's productive, feel free. But, again, constructive work and productivity are the goals of this blog.)

    Wait... isn't the internet for venting without repercussions? Why should I feel uncomfortable naming names? ;)

    Yeah, of course I have. I could probably even site situations where I currently am in those situations.

    The hardest one to deal with lately has been the "growing old/up" situation. Someone becoming disenchanted with the game, and are trying to find a reason to quit. Everything gets blown out of proportion, or seen in the worst light possible. People around them don't want to loose their friend, so they either try to make things better, or get infected by that one person and are disenchanted with the game as well.


    5) Negativity can often be productive for games (it generates, for instance, constructive criticism). How do you channel negativity into something constructive?

    In addition to the PEL process, there's the old adage of "The best revenge is living well."

    To combine with what Mickey said, the first step to surrounding yourself with positive people, is to remove yourself from the negative ones. Using the old Gentleman's Rule to avoid interactions with the problem person. If the situation always escalates when you fight someone, DO NOT FIGHT THAT PERSON. If someone on your team is constantly griping about the game, help them find something else to do, don't play with them, or tell them to stop playing. Such bluntness will likely cause problems in the short term, but forcing a decision to improve or quit is one harsh way of avoiding the toxic spreading.

    ReplyDelete